Terms of Separation

Making an agreement with your spouse or partner about the separation before it begins can help reduce conflict and enable both people to focus on the agreed upon goals for the separation, whether that’s working on individual behavior patterns or relationship issues. Writing down the terms of your separation together requires both people to address the logistics of keeping the rest of your lives running.

1. Type of Separation: psychological, physical, etc. (see Step 4)
2. Legal Involvement: whether to contact attorneys
3. Length of Separation: specified period of separation, including review time
4. Living Arrangements: which partner leaves the bedroom, moves to an apartment, etc.
5. Sharing and Caring for Children (or other family members, dependents, pets, etc.)
6. Finances: how each will deal with finances
7. Keeping the Business of Family Going: how household chores and responsibilities, extended family events, birthdays, holidays, etc., will be coordinated and attended
8. Expectations of Partners: how partners will communicate with each other, work on themselves or the relationship, attend counseling together or separately, etc.
9. Other: anything else that is a concern to either partner as the separation unfolds of both partners. i.e. what to tell others…

Terms decide the rules, conditions and structure that will guide your separation. Along with the type of separation you decide upon, terms will set expectations for your relationship. Without terms, there is often confusion and increased chances for conflict, breakdowns and misunderstandings. This is especially important if you have children.

Resources:

Taking Space – How to Use Separation to Explore the Future of Your Relationship
Available in paperback and ebook editions

Audio Course: How to Structure and Manage a Separation
Available for download or as a CD

The Separation Agreement
Available for download or as a hard copy

Telephone Consultations & Coaching