Open Warfare: Aggressive Conflict

On one side of the Relationship Conflict Scale is aggressive behavior. If two partners are on this side of the scale, they have little or no filters on what they express.

The conflict could be open warfare with:

• mean and at times abusive comments
• blaming and putdowns
• name-calling
• criticisms
• swearing
• power-trips, controlling and manipulative behavior
• threats of divorce or ending the relationship, etc…

Fights can be loud, scary and out of control. You blame others for your anger. The risk of physical fights, violence and abuse can increase with this style of fighting.

Partners that become openly angry and rage at each other must learn to calm their anger and talk so their partner will listen. If two partners are in this place, taking a time out to cool down so they may return and actually talk, be heard and validated is what most people want in a relationship. Continuing to manage feelings that are triggered so as to reduce power plays and struggles is an ongoing goal for these partners and couples.

The tools and skills in my book Taking Space will teach you how to stop, reduce and manage your anger and conflict so you can begin to bring some peace to your relationship. This is a basic skill that is necessary if you want to improve communication in your relationship.