If You Think the Only Answer to a Struggling Relationship is Divorce… Think Again!
It is a common belief that relationship separations always lead to divorce. This is a myth!
My direct experience and research shows that separations do not always lead to divorce or breaking up. After working with hundreds of couples, many have separated at various times in their relationships and returned.
These periods of separation often come during predictable periods over the life of a relationship.
Some of these include:
- After the initial romance and attraction of your new relationship has faded
- When the stress of a new baby creates sleepless nights and exhausting days and puts great strain on your relationship
- When work stress and the fast pace of raising children and family life make the intimacy in your relationship drop
- During mid-life crises when you might question where your life is going and whether it is following those expectations that you thought it would
- Perhaps at times when your relationship has lost its spark and sex has become scarce, routine, and unfulfilling and feels more like living with a roommate
- Empty nest time when children leave and at least one of you has expectations that are not being met
- When your retirement becomes a disappointment because you are not on the same page as your partner and you feel differently than you thought you would
Perhaps you may have taken a bold action and have already separated in the hopes of re-kindling your feelings.
Some of you may have started to develop feelings for another or engaged in an affair or other relationship. Perhaps this has been discovered and your relationship is now in crisis.
During a bleak and depressing time you may have told your partner that you don’t love him or her any more or have said mean and hurtful things you believe will never be forgotten. You may be confused and are questioning the difference between loving and being “in love” with your partner.
Your conflict and fights may be out of control and continually eat up the little love or like you have left for one another. Perhaps there is little communication and suppressed conflict while an “ice wall” and emotional distance has developed between you and your partner.
You might be depressed and lonely because you know your relationship has not been working and you feel like you are slowly dying. You may be terrified that you have committed to a life sentence of unhappiness. It has been documented that a stressful and unhappy relationship is not only damaging to children, but to your physical and emotional health as well.
Many of you in these situations believe you have nowhere to turn. You may be fearful of going to relationship counseling because at least one of you is not sure you want to work on your relationship.
As a young counselor I used to turn away these couples because I had no model or way to work with them. Many were not ready to work on their relationships while others weren’t prepared to get divorced. I have since realized that in not working with this type of couple, both they and I missed a major opportunity to grow and develop.
That is why I created Separation Advice. This 10 step problem solving guide provides a starting place and a road map for you and your relationship when you are stuck, lost, feeling helpless, hopeless, and believe the only answer is divorce or breaking up!
Taking Space – How to Use Separation to Explore the Future of Your Relationship
Available in paperback and ebook editions
Audio Course: How to Structure and Manage a Separation
Available for download or in CDs
The Separation Agreement
Available for download or as a hard copy