Ten Steps to Structure and Manage Your Separation

A Solution for: Struggling Couples Managing Separations

Affair Recovery and Reconciliation

Before you break up or divorce – take a “pause” and consider your options

My goal with this is to empower you with “how to” take charge of you, your relationship, and what YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW to make changes!

Believe me, I know from counseling couples for over 30 years that this may feel like one of the most difficult times of your life. You may be confused, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, angry, and feeling powerless over your situation. You may feel like your world is falling apart as you obsess and worry about your situation all the time. You may feel your only choice is to tough it out or get a divorce.

You will learn how to:

  • Take charge of you and what you can do now so you no longer feel like a victim to your situation.
  • Use skills to stop fighting or end the painful silent tension as you learn how you and your partner express anger on my “relationship conflict scale.” ©
  • Get your communication back on track and repair it when it breaks down.
  • Decide where you and your partner stand on my unique “Investment-Commitment Scale.” ©
  • Choose from 7 different types of separations (including in-house and “psychological” separations where no one leaves the home) and design the one that best fits your situation.
  • Talk to your children about what is happening.
  • Take a pause so you can make an informed decision about the future of your relationship.
  • Learn first hand from couples: “He’s like a third child”; “We fight about everything”; “I have feelings for someone else”; “You never want to have sex”; “The Affair” and others including: demanding in laws; a shutdown partner; blended family co parenting; secret over spending and money problems…

Did you know it has been estimated that: The majority of troubled couples separate at least once and in half of these the partner eventually returns home?


It is a common myth that relationship separations always lead to divorce or break ups!

Listen to an enhanced version of my book Taking Space on 8 CDs with more examples and ways to help you and your relationship become unstuck.

The Introduction is included with the entire course or individual Steps/CDs.

Below is the subject matter that you’ll receive on the 8 CDs:

In Step 1 – Managing Conflict – I explain:

  • How to help yourself if you feel you are in a crisis right now
  • How to understand and manage conflict
  • Examples of couples in common conflict patterns
  • How to start using the Five Steps of anger management now

“We don’t communicate” is the number one complaint I hear in my counseling practice.

Step 1: 1 CD – $20.00
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Step 1: Audio Download – $20.00
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In Step 2 – Communication – You will learn:

  • Why communication is so important
  • Why how you talk is more important than what you are talking about
  • How healthy communication can restart your relationship
  • How exchanging strokes with your partner can rekindle the closeness and love
  • Listening and talking skills that can be easily applied using my “ground rules” for talking
  • Hear examples of couples in stuck communication patterns
  • Defensive partner
  • “I can fix it for you!”
  • “I know what’s wrong with you!”
  • How to make up
  • The value of humor

Step 2: 1 CD – $20.00
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In Step 3 – Purpose of Separation and Change, we explore:

  • Reasons you and/or your partner are struggling or deciding on space or a separation
  • My unique “Relationship Investment-Commitment Scale” © Where do you and your partner fall on this scale?
  • Common stages that couples go through

Here you can begin to assess your and your partner’s investment and commitment to change and begin to understand why and how you got to this place. Without understanding what is not meeting your expectations, how do you know what to do or even whether you can get there. Relationship problems often teach you what you don’t want in a relationship. It is even more important to know what you want so you can decide what to fix or learn what you want in your next relationship. One type of relationship separation does not fit all!

Step 3: 1 CD – $20.00
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In Step 4, I offer:

  • Several different types of physical separations
  • Introductions to psychological and therapeutic separations

For example: many partners create an in-house separation, one of seven different types of separations, where you can reduce conflict, get some space and distance and eventually begin looking at why and how you are so stuck. Many struggling couples can’t afford to separate or break up! This type of separation is least costly, can often reduce conflict where no one leaves the home and you can both be there for your children. Psychological and therapeutic separations allow you to begin to look at how you and your partner’s beliefs, perceptions and behavior toward one another have been shaped by your experiences and what you can do about these. Learn about “psychological separation” and how you alone can start a change process for your relationship. I would like to make one thing clear: I do not tell people to physically separate. Couples are usually emotionally and physically separated from each other when they come to me for help.

Step 5 outlines:

  • Terms and ground rules of a separation

Terms include: Type and length of separation; legal involvement; living arrangements; sharing and caring for children; dealing with finances; how partners will communicate and have contact; whether they will work on their relationship during a separated period; whether an affair will continue during this time, etc. This is the most overlooked step when couples separate. Imagine a sporting event without rules! The fights that occurred in the home can continue even when living apart and even after divorce, especially if there are children, unless there is some agreement and understanding on the terms.

Steps 4 & 5: 1 CD – $20.00
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Step 6 deals with:

  • When, what and how to talk to your children about what is happening in your relationship

Your children are the most precious and important people in your lives. By learning what they need and how to reduce conflict, you will have already spared them the agony, stress and trauma of your relationship difficulties.

Step 7 focuses on:

  • Creating a plan to start your change
  • Planning for separation day if one of you is leaving the home

Separation day can create strong feelings such as sadness, loss, rejection, abandonment, fear and anger. These feelings can fuel major conflicts when physical parting becomes a reality.
Steps 6 & 7: 1 CD – $20.00
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Steps 6 & 7: Audio Download – $20.00
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The first 7 steps of this Problem-Solving Guide help you create a structure to contain the enormous conflict and emotion that often go with relationship difficulties and crises, affairs and separations and spell out the necessary tasks that must be addressed at this time. Step 8 is my favorite since it is here I ask you to take a closer look at you and your part in your relational patterns. Most people that come to couples counseling want to change their partners. Through the years I have found that those partners who take charge and focus on how to use themselves to create a change in their partner are often the most successful. I will show you how individuals in the couple’s situations in my book and examples in CDs and DVDs have used working on themselves to start a change process. Many times this is with a resistant, non cooperating partner. Many have been successful in creating a better relationship. Step 8 teaches you self coping strategies and how to harness your inner power. Without a change in you there will be no change in your relationship.

The Step 8 CD addresses:

  • Developing goals for you and your relationship
  • The four key factors that are found in healthy relationships

Examples of:

  • What must happen in an affair recovery
  • What Sara and Jim did about money problems and secret spending
  • Lynn’s plea to her new partner, “Please be nice to my son!” – a common blended family problem.

Through all of these educational materials I will show you step by step how to develop goals and begin working on them.
Step 8: 1 CD – $20.00
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In Steps 9 & 10 I show you a way to:

  • Evaluate whether the changes you may have started are working
  • Determine what your decision options are

Steps 9 & 10: 1 CD – $20.00
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Steps 9 & 10: Audio Download – $20.00

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My 40 page Workbook

My workbook is designed to follow the 10 Step Problem-Solving Guide and provides educational information, exercises and skills. It will show you how to plan ways to create new coping strategies now to deal with anger and conflict, how to start listening to one another, and ways to gather information so you can create your own treatment plan for you and your relationship. The workbook is filled with the same questions, skills and exercises I use in my outpatient counseling practice to get you in touch with you and your partner. Please remember that Taking Space was designed to help you develop a stronger and more aware sense of your SELF. The workbook will guide you in setting goals and following the necessary steps to apply the information to your own life experiences.

Workbook – Hard Copy – $40.00
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Workbook – PDF Download – $40.00
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If you feel you are being held hostage by a partner that refuses to take any responsibility or work on your problems, this course will show you how you can start a change process alone.
Actual value of what you will receive in the Audio Course:home_study_course_sm(1)

Book Taking Space – How To Use Separation To Explore The Future Of Your Relationship
(320 pages)
8 CDs – Approximately 6 hours of educational instruction – value $600.00
Audio Course Workbook with sample and blank Separation Agreements – (approx. 40 pages) $40.00
Total Value = $654.95

It is a general consensus among marriage counselors that relationship education is a major component of couples therapy and counseling. Most counselors and therapists charge any where from $80 an hour to over $200 per hour for couples therapy/counseling.
Purchase the Full Audio Course (CDs) with the book Taking Space, the Workbook and Separation Agreements:
Your Cost = $150.00 + sales tax (Vermont residents only) — FREE SHIPPING

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* For International Orders, you will be contacted re: shipping charges.

Or download the Full Course with Workbook and Separation Agreements for $150.00.
NOTE: You will be given a coupon code to download Taking Space separately from MyBookOrders.com.

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I also offer a 100% – 60 day money back guarantee if you are not satisfied with this course.

Get Help By Phone

Call now to discuss setting up phone consultations and coaching.

Office: 802-229-0749
Mobile: 802-793-3861

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Read Bob's comments on: How To Tell if You Should Get Back Together with an Ex in Women's Health online magazine 5/20/14


Book review from Amazon.com

5.0 out of 5 stars best book I have read in a long time, very thorough.

- Hannah Latta

This review is from: Taking Space: How To Use Separation To Explore The Future Of Your Relationship (Kindle Edition)

"This book is by far the best book I have read on the subject of separation. The author is extremely thorough in describing various scenarios of different couples, their conflict, type of separation, process of resolution or dissolution. It touches on how to talk to the children, goals during separation, how long to separate, and what kind of separation to use for different cases. I appreciate the depth and length the author went in sharing his experience in this book to help others."

Separation Advice